anybody who knows me knows i love music i am absolutely obsessed with buying, listening and criticising music. This weekend we headed down to Vegas, ipod in one hand and diet coke with sour patch kids in the other we were set for the five hour drive (going ninety) thirty mins past st. George maloree dedicated a song to me Katy Perry's song "your so gay" if you have not heard it you need to and honestly if you know me you know that maloree knows me better then anyone so for her to dedicate this song was at first completely humiliating but the more and more she made me listen to it the more and more i am proud that she dedicated this song to me. Katy Perry has really hit the spot when it comes to boys in the 2000 i don't know where we came from but holy shit, from H&M scarfs to having more shoes then my wife boys in the'00 are so gay. but these day being gay does not mean you have to actually be gay (like boys) because like katy perry says "you're so gay and you don't even like boys" its my theme song, i have no interest in being homosexual i love my wife and the fact that she is a female, however in today's society style and design means everything plus my wife might think this song fits me to a t. (which it does and every other of my guy friends) but honestly mal your the one that got me into designer clothes. oh a and if your interested "the academy is... is coming out with a new album... its going to be good comes out Tuesday.

So many times i am asked one question that i absolutely hate... and the more i serve the more times the question comes up. Conversation starts like this.
Oh, so your serving?
yea, but it's just so i can get through school.
oh really, what are you going to school for?
English
(pause.silence.awkward silence) expecting something like, oh i want to be a doctor, or an attorney, or a buisness man soemthing like that
oh so you want to teach?
no
oh so what do you want to do with an English degree.
I want to tell them to mind their own damn business but i don't. shit man i don't know what i am going to do with an English degree, I like to read and write even though i suck at it, honestly person sitting in the booth questioning me about what i am going to do with my life when you very clearly either hate you life or hate your own college experience that you find the need to ask every damn person what their going to do with their life shut the hell up and eat your meal and if you find my service adequate tip me more then ten percent!
Its like my wife for example, i am so ridiculously jealous of her, ever since she jumped out of the womb she has known that she wanted to be a nurse. MAYBE I AM JUST RETARDED? MAYBE? Honestly i don't know. I am sitting here watching the Olympics and swimming is on, who in their right mind thought "wow, i want to be a professional swimmer" i wish i would have thought about that! i did think about be a professional baseball player but lets be honest the chances of that happening was like 1 out of 1 million little leaguers. If someones else asks me what i want to do when i grow up i am going to kick some major ass. It is so annoying to have perfect stranger ask me and act like they care with what i am going to do with my life from here on out i am just going to make up shit. Like i am going to be an Olympic Gymness although i am completely too old to even start but here on out i am a professional Gymness actually funny you mentioned it i have actually help train Shawn Johnson for the 2008 Gymnastics. Suckers! and the funny thing is, is that they are actually going to believe it. Maybe i will be a teacher and tell all the people that ask me, that i am going to teach their kids one day. oh maybe i was someone who came up with a dot com company and now retired and i am just serving because i like to talk to people. Honestly i know what i want to be when i graduate but its kind of like when you blow out your candles on your birthday you can not tell people because it just might not come true.

i love sleeping pills

okay so while i was in Africa i decided so stock up my own personal pharmacy and bought some pills, every other country is awesome when it comes to buy buying pills that require a prescription in the u.s. anywhere else Tylenol with codeine is over the counter (now while i was buying these i was tempted to buy a bunch to sell them to some of my fellow uh people , honestly i could make bank) but i decide to just be selfish and buy it for my own consumption, i also picked up some killer sleeping pills. i took two on the plane ride home and i cant remember anything about the trip except that Africans smell like shit and do not believe in deodorant (but that for another time) so after last nights ludicrous episode of waking up at 3 am i decide to take a few. I love sleeping pills! I am betting its probably not going to help me with my jet lag or if it does well then i guess i will become addicted to pills but anyhow it was one hell of a sleep. although like all things that are good there is always an evil side effect... with sleeping pills i think the evil side effect is a splitting headache and the munchies cause when i got up i was effing starving for food anything of course when i went down still all we had was yogurt and some orange juice and that just was not going to cut it. and then i remembered that Macy's has the most amazing doughnuts so i headed over there. i guess i was hungrier then i thought cause i ended up buy four boxes of fruit snacks (gushers, and fruit roll ups), Capri Suns, two bags of Doritos (cool ranch and Buffalo Wings and Ranch). After eating four doughnuts and four packs of gushers and some chips i still have a headache. I hate sleeping pills! oh ya, and i am 40 dollars poorer then then i was ten hours ago when i decided to take the pills.

I hate jet lag!!!!!

Okay so its 3:30 am in Springville UT, and I am awake... I honestly i thought i beat the whole jet lag thing but i am here to testify that nothing good is on TV past 1 a.m. i find myself strolling through the channels and nothing not even a Saved By The Bell, or Full House episode is on, and that's hard to believe. I am so damn tired but I can't sleep, I find myself watching the Green Channel. I had no idea the channel even existed. Why is it that the Cable/Satellite channels have some channels that are completely pointless. I mean the Green Channel I mean I should start an effing channel called jet lag and at least have some old family sitcoms on, like Fresh Prince or Bell air or 90210 something more entertaining then watching people go around the world trying to save trees or bushes that used to feed an extinct animal that was killed off 100 years ago. the green channel is so pathetic. Whatever happen to 90210? i mean it was such a lame show but we all loved it Dillon, and Kelly and the that one guy that was total bad boy, was that Dillon? ah its 3 in the morning i can't think straight. I hate Jet Lag! I am ready a book called Killing yourself to live, if you like rock in roll its amazing its about all these Musical artist that made more money after their death then they did during their living life. Heath Ledger all though not a Musician has again proved this theory true again. He was amazing as the Joker. Now Anderson Cooper 360 is on CNN an actual real TV show i think i would rather watch the Green Channel. I Hate JET LAG!

Giraffe Tale Soup

Its been about six months and my blog officially sucks! Actually more then sucks if i had the choice of looking at my blog or blowing my face off i would contemplate the gun! So even if anybody was looking at my blog i am sure you have stopped by now. Those who know or don't know I have been gone for about a month. I spent three weeks in Zimbabwe, it was amazing the flight was miserable and the food on the flight was repulsive but once we actually got to Bolawayo (city in the Country) it was awesome. People though we were crazy going into a country with complete political turmoil, but honestly America is not much different when it comes to political turmoil, shit!, McCain or Obama, i might rather have Mogave! There is no doubt the Zimbabwe is having major issues their currency is an absolute joke 100 billion of their dollar is one dollar to ours that was as of Saturday by now who know its changes every ten mins. crazy! but i guess before i get into how pathetic our government is and how the journalism of America is completely on sided when it comes to reporting about other countries (maybe if i feel like it i will write about that later) i will talk about how awesome my trip was. Zimbabwe was awesome spent a couple days in the city but most of the time I was out in the "Bush" ( what they call the Jungle/Forrest). Our Luggage did not come till 4 0r 5 days later so i pretty much had to borrow clothes from our Professional Hunter Luckily down in Zimbabwe they have slaves so i had my clothes washed everyday and... okay so they are not technically slaves but in a sense Zimbabwe still has slavery its crazy i felt like i lived in the 1700's we had a black cook a black server and not one white person ever lifted a finger. I mean damn, I was not even allowed to get my own coke. I did not like it so if you think i am boasting about it i am not, it's pretty sad. I shot tons of animals, Honestly i am not into hunting much before now, i never had been out killing animals, so this was a complete new experience I mean before like six months ago i did not even really know how to use a gun ( and most people who know me this is a good thing but know i know how to use one and i am damn good with it :) ) i am really thinking about buying a few little (big) guns. oh ya, and for all you stupid animal lovers don't worry they used the meat i even ate some if it we had giraffe tail, Kudu and Eland Steaks and warthog pork chops... word of advice if someone wants to feed you Giraffe Tail soup say "NO!" Just don't even try it. the animal i shot were a KUDU, ELAND, Warthog i got two of those, Zebra and Baboon, and lastly a Giraffe the Giraffe was so extremely fun to hunt and way hard i mean the S.O.B. could see you a mile away and it is one tough animal its the only animal that took me seven shoots to actually die! and i ran about a mile chasing the damn thing. All said and done it was a blast i will put some pictures up and my lovely wife is updating our blog with all sorts of pictures. Some have blood in them so those who are weak when it comes to blood i am warning you! I love third world countries i really want to live someplace like Zimbabwe. Mal its sooo good to be home! I missed you!

The Difference Between Porn and Art

As a college student you see “them” everywhere. Some are big and others are small, some describe special events, guest speakers, and even some are suggested classes that should be taken for college credits. So, what are these “things” that I am talking about? They are posters, billboards and flyers that are handed out in and between college classes. Honestly these posters are relatively innocent. All these posters are big thick pieces of paper with words and pictures on them describing events and happenings in and around an up and coming University. So, why has one poster in the halls of Utah Valley State College seem to have cause so much controversy?
It goes back to a painting of Cupid which was painted by Caravaggio and titled “Armor Vincit Omnia” (Love Conquers All). It was painted during the Baroque Period around 1601-1602. In 1602 this one painting was created and today in 2007 a Professor of art and Literature and furthermore history Professor Alex Caldiero has decided to discuss this piece of art along with many others in his spring semester class Humanities 2020. The class is described in the UVSC Course Catalogue as follows: “Explore formative creative events in history and their relationships to modern issues. Presents perspectives of traditional humanistic values of art and ideas. Investigates how others have dealt with problems that humans faced in the past, and possible strategies for problem solving that might aid students today”
So, with knowing the nature of the actual class, why then is this painting that is on the advertising poster of this class causing so much controversy? The Caravaggio painting is of a naked cupid. Standing over a violin, sheet music and scrolls, cupid seems to be “prevailing over all human endeavors: war, music, science, and governments,” as described in the wikipedia. (A great reliable source)Understanding the Humanities 2020 course catalogue and what Professor Caldiero is planning to teach the painting of this naked cupid seems to be quit fitting for the actual class. However when Professor Caldiero submitted the poster to the Utah Valley State College Campus Connection for stamping of approval, he was declined the stamp due to the fact that this painting was a painting of a Nude, penis and all, cupid. (Here is the controversy) The actual painting of the picture that is on the poster is very little. Making the painting of the uncircumcised penis even smaller, But nonetheless the poster was denied because the perverted Caravaggio had to make a painting of a cupid with a diaper on.
Eventually, the painting was “pushed up the chain of command” all the way to the vice president of academic affairs, Elizabeth Hitch. It was only after getting to her that the painting was accepted and received a stamp of approval…WOW! The President of Academic Affairs was the actual person that had to give this poster with a two inch painting on it and an even smaller penis on it a stamp of approval. A painting which I remind you was circa in 1602.
The article which I got this information from is great article and for the normal reader you might read it and say, “Huh I can not believe the painting caused so many problems,” or another might say, “Wow, I can not believe they are allowing the poster to be printed.” But as we really read this article, as we reread this article again and again, some very interesting topics come up from in between the lines, and if you understand the idea of art and literature, a giant red flag should pop up and grab your attention.
As George Bataille said, from Visions of Excess, “it is clear that the world is purely parodic, in other words that each thing seen is a parody of another, or is the same thing in a deceptive form. The Painting of Caravaggio as I said before is a painting of a naked cupid. He looks like he is a young boy, I would say in his early teens maybe twelve to thirteen years old. He has a smile on his face, and wings on his back, he is holding arrows. Caravaggio is really able to capture an adolescent teen boy in a beautiful way everything down to the uncircumcised penis was drawn with precise detail. Anyone with a keen sense of art is able to tell that this is art. However, like the quote from Bataille said, “That each thing seen is a parody of another. So today in the year 2007 in Utah at an almost university, that teaches art, history and literature, has marked this painting of rich emotion as pornography. A painting that will be taught and discussed in the classes of UVSC is denied to be shown in the halls; Professor Caldiero was denied a stamp of approval from our very own Campus Connection. The idea of art to one is a parody of another.
This article as seen in the College Times at Utah Valley State College is really not that big of a deal, however the big deal from the way an up and coming university in Utah acted so ignorantly towards what everyone else in the entire world considers to be art. What was the controversial part? The obvious answer is that the controversial part of the poster was the fact that it showed a naked person, it showed a penis! Are we scared of human genitalia? Or is it just the male genitalia that scare the shit out of us? I wonder how our guardians and saviors the campus connection would have reacted if it was a female and the vagina were shown…would campus connection deny a stamp of approval if breast were on a poster that advertised mammograms. I think we all probably know the answer but, it is very interesting to think about. As I said before the fact that the painting is a painting of a naked boy makes it controversial. But if this painting was a painting of a naked little baby, with wings and a cute bow and arrow would the poster have passed? Or even better would it have passed if it was a picture of a grown man with pubic hair, then would it have passed? Was it disapproved in the eyes of our fellow scholar, because it is a painting of a young adolescent, who still has, as Caravaggio so well depicted, baby fat? Does the fact that the young boy is smiling make the picture even nastier? Who is this boy smiling at? Could this be the painting that began the child pornography and molestation?
As we think about these questions, the results are the same the picture and poster was denied, and talked about for months all because of a nude boy. Professor Alex Caldiero in some ways knew exactly what he was doing when he put the painting on his poster. He, I feel, wanted to know exactly where we laid as a community, as a people, and above all as a university, He wanted to see how UVU (Utah Valley University) not UVSC saw art, literature, and history. How cultured are we? As Peter Barry said in the book Beginning Theory, “language does not reflect or record the world: rather, it shapes it, so that how we see is what we see.” Language and art do not really reflect the world, but it is how we as a community, a school and as individuals actually see literature, and for this topic art. It is interesting to see how, Utah Valley State College saw this painting for what it was, and what it stood for. In 1602 this painting was art; in 2007 this painting was porn. Is it us that have digressed? Are we in this “Happy Valley” ignorant that we can not see a naked person and find it beautiful?
As I have read and re-read this article I find it still very amusing that people can look at the exact same painting that I am looking at and consider pornography. Where is that line of pornography and art? What is the difference between the two of them? What makes one an art and another nasty filth? People can find it hard to depict between the two. Honestly, I am not sure if I have an actual answer but I know that as I have grown up in Las Vegas, home of gambling, showgirls, and late nights the difference between Pornography and Art is not grey but is black and white its either filth or beauty. Now its true one mans trash is another man’s treasure, or beauty is in the eye of the beholder but, do me a favor and the next time your in my home town of Las Vegas, take a walk down the strip. As you walk down the strip, take a look at all the billboards, grab a couple of those cards that the vendors are handing out on the strip, and take a look at the soft core porn that is on the strip. Take a walk into one of those clubs where there are silver poles and cages hanging ten feet in the air and really take in the art of stripping. What do you feel? Like I said it is really black and white. After you have taken in all the naked ladies you can take in, take a walk into the Belaggio and check out the Gallery of Fine Art. Right now the presentation is Picasso’s Ceramics. (Warning: Campus Connection there might be some penis’s or breast shown) It is beautiful, in a completely different way and between the two experiences you just received one is complete Pornography, and the other is an amazing, creative, self expression of art. I wonder if Utah Valley State College was a College in Las Vegas would this painting raise a red flag, or maybe New York, or San Francisco, even closer to home what if this poster was presented to Utah University (U of U), would it get approved. Or would the “Vice President of Academics waist their time on approving a poster!” Does where we live suggest what we feel to be art or expectable?
An even bigger question continues to come to mind and it still goes along with the fact that UVSC denied the poster at first. The real question is not so much what is pornography or not pornography. But who do we blame for stereotyping art as pornography? Who is the culprit for a society thinking that a piece of art in 1602 is not worthy to be put on a poster for a Humanities class at a college because this painting shows nudity? It is really easy to go ahead and put the blame on the “culture” in Utah County, honestly I could end my paper right now and blame it all on the culture, but what does culture mean? Why is this culture different then any other culture? And why is it those who live in it become blind to the arrogance of their own culture. Who do we really need to blame? Culture is so loosely used, what does it mean really? For example, my culture is different then my wife’s culture, her and my culture together is completely different then my father and mother’s culture. Let me go deeper into what I am trying to explain, growing up I lived in Las Vegas the “Culture” that my parents taught me was good, they taught me honesty, morality, and many other things. However the culture I received outside of the family was a completely different culture, it was not technically bad, but different. I was able to learn what was right and wrong, I was ablr to depict between black and white. I know Vegas is an extreme however it was my home and their I learned what was sociably acceptable and what was wrong. You knew as a teenager growing up in Vegas some streets to don’t go down at night, some clubs you do not go into, you also learned that people’s beliefs are their beliefs and that’s that. Not everyone is “Mormon” not everyone is “Catholic” it was not like that their. It had diversity. You learned at a very young age how you inner family “culture” were different from the “dark and dreary world.” Now you are probably trying to figure out what the hell I am getting at?
This is my point; it has everything to do with culture. It has everything to do with arrogance inside a culture. If a culture, a group of people, a school can not look at a painting of a Nude Cupid that was painted with such detail such patience, and such beauty, then it comes down to our community failed us! Now I am not talking to the community as a whole but, for a university to say that this poster that teaches literature, and art is inappropriate, we have failed, we are just like the people who killed slaves, and who tarred and feather prophetic leaders, and today who hate people who’s sex preference is different then ours. Have we, as Utah county community become so ignorant and afraid of pornography that we can not teach our children the difference between porn and art, is porn, sex, penis, vagina taboo? We are missing everything when it comes to teaching our people culture. Hell, maybe we need more strip clubs in Utah county, maybe more bars, maybe then and only then can our culture actually become a culture, a group of different individuals, with different ideas, and different beliefs then and only then would our children be able to see black and white then they would be able to see the difference between porn and art, then maybe they will be able to look at a Caravaggio painting and see what we “cultured” people see, not pornography not something twisted, or sick, but something of beauty, something of art!

Things are going to start getting good

Friends today is the first blog of my life if you like this one there will be others...Enjoy! Okay so things are going to start getting good, life is crazy people are crazy, beileve me I know. I work at a resturant and i have to deal with all sorts of people, some people think they are the shit, others think we are the shit, but in all honesty people are just damn crazy! For example, try telling somebody that the wait will be an hour or 90 mins. Oh my gosh people freak out, of course its usually the fat ones who freak out, but none-the-less they freak out. It's like these fat people have to eat right then and now or else they will starve to death, its like hey fatty you have enough fat to freaking hybernate for three months, relaxe, an hour is not going to be that long. Now, i know some of you might be saying its kinda rude to be making fun of fat people but damn its so true, these fat people are crazy, for sure they are the first ones to complain and the last ones to leave the resturant! As a manager i have to deal with them all the time, its tuff because most of the time if there is a problem for example, they are pissed off because they had to wait an extra 20 mins (and they lived) we would go over to the table and apoligize and buy an appitizer for them...(do they need one more greesy fatty appitizer? I think not!) But we do it because fat people in resturants are like women, you can't live with them and you can't live with out them. So my friends fat and skinny I mean no disrespect but the next time you decide to go out to dinner on a weekend night remember there are hundreds of other people wanting to eat and at the same time, so relaxe an hour is not too long, just sit back watch the sports channel or, here's an idea go do something else while you wait, so your not waiting in the lobby and going up to the hostess stand every 10 mins. Just a reminder an hour on your watch is an hour in the resturant it's not going to change!